God's purpose

October 2011

About a month ago, I began the "1 Month to Live" study book.  With the fall season approaching, lots of opportunities arose for me to participate in small groups and bible studies.  After recently becoming a stay at home mom and the changes that accomponied it, I decided to take a "semester" to decompress and really pray about where and what God wanted me to be doing.  I thought this study would be a good one to do on my own and had heard a few people rave about it on facebook.

As I got deep into the study, I realized that I had not focused in on my God-given dreams and gifts in a long time. Probably since college.  I know that my greatest gift by far is my family. God continues to fulfill my dreams as a wife and mother to two amazing children on daily basis. And what an amazing dream this is.  But, I wasn't sure of any others.  Once I became an employee, wife, and mother I lost sight of what my soul stirring dreams were outside of my family. Shouldn't  I be broadening my horizons and serving outside the home as well? So, I asked God to "thaw" my soul and reveal his other dreams and desires for me.

Over the course of the next couple weeks, I felt as though God was teaching me to rely on him before he revealed any "dreams" to me.  I think that I still believed that in order to serve God here on earth that it had to be a sacrifice until I really focused on this:

"It's an insult to God when we focus on the gifts and passions we don't have and try to develop our weak areas. Our greatest potential in lies in the areas of our greatest strengths... we're to focus on what we're good at and let go of what were not good at."

Really?? I can let go of these things I have been trying so hard to be and miserably failing at over and over again? I didn't think of God's will for my life as something that could fulfill my dreams and his dreams! As long as I am certain these "dreams" could fulfill God's purpose, they are one in the same.  He created me for a purpose and instilled these soul stirring passions in me to serve him! They are his dreams for me afterall! What a gift.

So, what are these gifts?? I began doing a lot of soul searching.  On Day 16, I listed the strengths I believe I had:

expressing my love to my children, providing stability through schedules and home life, organizing, decorating for parties, staying healthy & fit,  strong will power, good friend, accomplishing goals, cooking, praying out loud, creative

And what am I passionate about? Other than loving and taking care of my family, I knew party planning was something I was definaltly passionate about.  For goodness sake, I had thrown 3 parties at my house in the month of October alone!  I remember thinking "are you trying to tell me something God?"  I love planning and shopping for these parties and I really love watching my children and friends enjoy them.  It feels so good.  But, can God really use these "passions" as ways to serve him? Is it possible that God could use a good party planner and shopper??? It seemed to me like these gifts were somewhat superficial.

The book even had me step way out of my comfort zone by asking Micah to list five of the most prominent gifts I possesed. Now this was getting scary. But, as always, my sweet husband graced me with these sweet words despite my many faults.

Selflessness, loving/compassionate, servant's heart, intuition about people, optimistic presence.

Whoa! This list took my breath away and brought streams of tears down my eyes.  This is how he sees me? Man, I told myself, have I got him fooled.  :)

Ok... now that I have thought through all of my God-given gifts and focused on relying on Him, where was God going to take me?  I prayed that he would take me there.  I want to go to the place where "your deep gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet."  This is how I want to live the rest of my life.  I want to love fully, give fully and live fully. But, I can only do it thru Him and the gifts he has given me.  I'm ready Lord, show me.

So, today, as I was walking on my treadmill I realized my life had finally slowed down a little since I became a "stay at home mom." I began to ask myself "what area of the house can I focus on this week?"  As organizing my home has become my latest obsession.I thought, surely God wants me to do more?  That instant, the phone rang.

I had called a children's home that my husband is on the board of a few weeks ago.  I wanted to see about donating Jaxon's birthday party decorations to the children at the home that were undergoing "therapeutic foster care."  I had heard that they would have monthly birthday parties for the children and knew that the racing theme decorations could make some little boys very happy. I also mentioned that if they needed any help, to let me know.  I hadn't heard back from any one for a couple of weeks and had honestly thought that maybe this isn't where God wanted me to be. But, it was them!  They wanted to see if I was interested in being their "montly birthday party organizer".

Really? Ok God, I'm listening.