Fire in my bones

This week, I felt the nudge again. That almost annoying nudge that I knew wouldn't go away.  The nudge of God telling me to share the passion I have for these foster children with others. The passion I have for giving each of them a special experience on their birthday.

Last Sunday, our pastor Terry spoke about Jeremiah. God called him to be a prophet in the middle of very tough times.  When God asked him to share His word, Jeremiah replied that he was only a child and did not know how to speak.  He was only 16 at the time.  However, God called him to be courageous despite of his youth.  In chapter 20 Jeremiah explains that "His word is like a fire shut up in my bones.  I cannot keep it in." It was more difficult for him to keep it in than it was to let it out.  God had instilled a fire in Jeremiah's bones. A fire that was full of conviction. So, despite the ridicule and embarrasment, he shared God's word with boldness and courage.

Pastor Terry explained that God is jealous for us and wants the very best for us. He wants us to accept and pursue the fire that he instilled in us and bring life changing love into our lives. He calls us to follow these passions and act on them without fear of rejection. God is always with us and is there for us all of the time. For this reason, we should not be afraid.  We do not need to wait until we are older to serve. God calls the young to be bold and courageous.  God put us on this earth to make a difference in the lives of others.

I truly feel like these birthday parties are that fire within me.  I think about them all of the time, almost obsessively.  I'm sure my husband gets tired of hearing me constantly talk about them.  I just can't help it. However, I feel like I am an introverted person by nature.  I do not enjoy speaking in front of many people. Even when I am one on one with people, I don't always share my convictions out of fear of rejection.  After Terry's sermon, I felt a tug to share this journey I am on.  I have been keeping the birthday party journal entries on my blog private and was writing them simply so that I could reflect on my journey. I was not sure what God could do by sharing them, but I felt it was something I had to do.  I felt like the entries were very personal and I feared that people might see them as gloating or even boring.  But, like Jeremiah, I can't keep this fire shut up in my bones.  It is harder to keep in than let out.  Despite any embarasment that I might feel, I had to let it go. So, I sent the blog to some of my friends and posted it for the world (or at least a few eyes) to see.

After letting it go, I felt a sense of release. I didn't even worry about what, if any, response there would be. I knew it was out of my hands.  A few days later, several of these friends expressed their support and encouragement and some of them even offered to help!  I am humbled by the generosity I have seen from so many people and am so thankful that God has placed these people in my life. All of this has  fueled the flame I have inside of me.

What I am doing might seem simple now, but I believe in my bones that God has bigger plans.  I believe with all of my heart that God is calling me to make a stand.  I am serving where it is difficult. It's not easy to see the hurt in these children's eyes. It would be easier to ignore this calling.  But that is not how I want to live. I do not want to be a person that floats aimlessly around without bringing any glory to God. But, to do any of this, I need God's strength and courage. I need His strength and perseverance. All of these things can only come from him. I pray that His guidance is unceasing and my ears and heart are always open.


Here is a link to Terry's sermon that was so touching to me -
http://fumcodessa.libsyn.com/webpage