This week, I felt the nudge again. That almost annoying nudge that I knew wouldn't go away. The nudge of God telling me to share the passion I have for these foster children with others. The passion I have for giving each of them a special experience on their birthday.
Last Sunday, our pastor Terry spoke about Jeremiah. God called him to be a prophet in the middle of very tough times. When God asked him to share His word, Jeremiah replied that he was only a child and did not know how to speak. He was only 16 at the time. However, God called him to be courageous despite of his youth. In chapter 20 Jeremiah explains that "His word is like a fire shut up in my bones. I cannot keep it in." It was more difficult for him to keep it in than it was to let it out. God had instilled a fire in Jeremiah's bones. A fire that was full of conviction. So, despite the ridicule and embarrasment, he shared God's word with boldness and courage.
Pastor Terry explained that God is jealous for us and wants the very best for us. He wants us to accept and pursue the fire that he instilled in us and bring life changing love into our lives. He calls us to follow these passions and act on them without fear of rejection. God is always with us and is there for us all of the time. For this reason, we should not be afraid. We do not need to wait until we are older to serve. God calls the young to be bold and courageous. God put us on this earth to make a difference in the lives of others.
I truly feel like these birthday parties are that fire within me. I think about them all of the time, almost obsessively. I'm sure my husband gets tired of hearing me constantly talk about them. I just can't help it. However, I feel like I am an introverted person by nature. I do not enjoy speaking in front of many people. Even when I am one on one with people, I don't always share my convictions out of fear of rejection. After Terry's sermon, I felt a tug to share this journey I am on. I have been keeping the birthday party journal entries on my blog private and was writing them simply so that I could reflect on my journey. I was not sure what God could do by sharing them, but I felt it was something I had to do. I felt like the entries were very personal and I feared that people might see them as gloating or even boring. But, like Jeremiah, I can't keep this fire shut up in my bones. It is harder to keep in than let out. Despite any embarasment that I might feel, I had to let it go. So, I sent the blog to some of my friends and posted it for the world (or at least a few eyes) to see.
After letting it go, I felt a sense of release. I didn't even worry about what, if any, response there would be. I knew it was out of my hands. A few days later, several of these friends expressed their support and encouragement and some of them even offered to help! I am humbled by the generosity I have seen from so many people and am so thankful that God has placed these people in my life. All of this has fueled the flame I have inside of me.
What I am doing might seem simple now, but I believe in my bones that God has bigger plans. I believe with all of my heart that God is calling me to make a stand. I am serving where it is difficult. It's not easy to see the hurt in these children's eyes. It would be easier to ignore this calling. But that is not how I want to live. I do not want to be a person that floats aimlessly around without bringing any glory to God. But, to do any of this, I need God's strength and courage. I need His strength and perseverance. All of these things can only come from him. I pray that His guidance is unceasing and my ears and heart are always open.
Here is a link to Terry's sermon that was so touching to me -
http://fumcodessa.libsyn.com/webpage
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Details and How to Help
A few people have asked me for more details regarding the home that I am serving and what exactly I do at the parties.
The home provides therapeutic foster homes, community foster care, stay together runaway prevention, preparation for adult living as well as emergency shelters on campus. I am throwing the parties for the children in the emergency shelter (those that have been taken from their homes). Their ages range from newborn to 18 and they have as many as 35 children in them at one time.
The birthday parties are usually once a month. We have one party for all of the children that had a birthday during that month. We set up separate tables for each child according to their favorite theme. Each child receives their own cake, gifts and decorations. If the party is during a meal time, we provide dinner. We have started providing each child attending with a bucket full of party favors. And, we are trying to provide some kind of entertainment during each party as well (clown, jumpers etc.) Each party right now usually costs $200-$300 per child.
My main goal during each party is to connect with as many children as possible and give them a special time to celebrate each others birthday. I love having helpers during the party and would love more help. However there is a process that each volunteer must go through to serve for the safety of the children. Please email me if you are interested.
If your interested in helping in other ways, I am in the process of finding more people to "sponsor" the birthday kids by purchasing their individual gifts. We like to spend at least $100 per child and provide toys as well as clothing. Also, Odessa Mother's Club is selling geraniums and, this year, all of the proceeds will go to our birthday funds!
Please email me if you are interested in helping in any way.
foster.crystal@gmail.com
The home provides therapeutic foster homes, community foster care, stay together runaway prevention, preparation for adult living as well as emergency shelters on campus. I am throwing the parties for the children in the emergency shelter (those that have been taken from their homes). Their ages range from newborn to 18 and they have as many as 35 children in them at one time.
The birthday parties are usually once a month. We have one party for all of the children that had a birthday during that month. We set up separate tables for each child according to their favorite theme. Each child receives their own cake, gifts and decorations. If the party is during a meal time, we provide dinner. We have started providing each child attending with a bucket full of party favors. And, we are trying to provide some kind of entertainment during each party as well (clown, jumpers etc.) Each party right now usually costs $200-$300 per child.
My main goal during each party is to connect with as many children as possible and give them a special time to celebrate each others birthday. I love having helpers during the party and would love more help. However there is a process that each volunteer must go through to serve for the safety of the children. Please email me if you are interested.
If your interested in helping in other ways, I am in the process of finding more people to "sponsor" the birthday kids by purchasing their individual gifts. We like to spend at least $100 per child and provide toys as well as clothing. Also, Odessa Mother's Club is selling geraniums and, this year, all of the proceeds will go to our birthday funds!
Please email me if you are interested in helping in any way.
foster.crystal@gmail.com
Spider Man & Football
We just finished a party for a 5 year old boy and a 14 year old boy last Friday. I was worried about the age differences but everything turned out quite well. We had the usual fun decorations, balloons, and cake. But this time, we added party favor baskets for each child, pizza, silly string and a face painting clown.
We had 30-35 kids this time! All of the little ones from a different emergency shelter came since one of the birthday boys was in that house. Previous to this party, I thought it was heartbreaking enough to see the older children in the home. But, there is a whole new level of heart break for these little ones. The ages ranged from 4 months to 5 and there were many of them. I got to hold some of the babies and despite their circumstances, they were all so happy. Several of them touched my heart. And as usual, I wanted to load them up in the suburban and take them home.
Both birthday boys were shy at first, but by the end of the party, they were beaming. Especially the 14 year old. Despite his circumstances, he is one of the kindest and sweet hearted 14 year olds I have met. When I met him at the previous party, I tried to get him to tell me some of his interests. He was painfully shy and wouldn't say much. When asked what things interested him, he just shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't even think of anything he wanted. Eventually, we pried out his interest in sports and a caretaker let us know he wanted an MP3 player. By the end of the party, his "Joker" painted face was gleaming and he really came out of his shell. I was so glad that he enjoyed the clown as well. It was obvious he had a great time and I received many thanks and hugs from him.
God, once again, provided everything needed. Another volunteer from the home truly stepped up to help by providing the balloons, pizza and gift for the 14 year old. Another friend of mine from Odessa Mother's Club provided gifts for the 5 year old. And as usual, my parents always help out. I am so thankful for these people and thankful that the Lord placed it on their heart to give.
Almost all of the children really enjoyed getting their faces painted and they were adorable. I so wish I could show a picture of all of their smiling, painted faces. The hugs and smiles we received from these children were priceless. Thank you Lord for allowing us to be with these children.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Lalaloopsy & Race Car
mid January 2012
The night after the party:
Well.... another successful party. We just got finished and I feel totally exhausted. Emotionally & physically. Micah and I just totally poor our hearts out while we are there. I didn't want to miss any opportunities to connect with the children. I fell in love with even more children today. I got to see the girl that we gave a party for last month. She came up to me, wrapped her arms around my hips and said she wanted me to adopt her. Heartbreaking. In fact, just thinking about it again made me realize I need to take a break from typing to process all of these emotions.
3 weeks later:
Ok, I think I've come to a point where I can write about the party now. It's amazing how these parties effect me. I cant describe it. For a few days afterward, I feel totally drained but at the same time extremely blessed. Its just so hard to think about all of these sweet & beautiful children to be without a family. Completely breaks my heart.
I have to say, the decorations for these parties were pretty fun. We did seperate gift and cake tables for each child and decorated half of the tables "Lalaloopsy" (cutest dolls ever) and the other half in the "Racing" theme.
Both of the children were very shy at first. It's almost hard to tell if they are enjoying it or not. But, once they get warmed up, you could truly see the joy in their hearts. One thing that I really tried to focus on during the party was to speak one on one with as many children as possible. I tried to connect with them and make them feel special. I feel that it is so important for theses children to hear how wonderful they are.
I am so thankful for the people that helped us with this party. I'm realizing how important it is to have help. I would love to spend hundreds of dollars on each child. Unfortunately, that is not possible. But with the help of others, I think it could be! I am praying that God continues to show me ways to improve these parties for each of these children. I am so thankful that God has so clearly shown me my gifts. And I feel so blessed to be serving God's children.
Until the next party....
The night after the party:
Well.... another successful party. We just got finished and I feel totally exhausted. Emotionally & physically. Micah and I just totally poor our hearts out while we are there. I didn't want to miss any opportunities to connect with the children. I fell in love with even more children today. I got to see the girl that we gave a party for last month. She came up to me, wrapped her arms around my hips and said she wanted me to adopt her. Heartbreaking. In fact, just thinking about it again made me realize I need to take a break from typing to process all of these emotions.
3 weeks later:
Ok, I think I've come to a point where I can write about the party now. It's amazing how these parties effect me. I cant describe it. For a few days afterward, I feel totally drained but at the same time extremely blessed. Its just so hard to think about all of these sweet & beautiful children to be without a family. Completely breaks my heart.
I have to say, the decorations for these parties were pretty fun. We did seperate gift and cake tables for each child and decorated half of the tables "Lalaloopsy" (cutest dolls ever) and the other half in the "Racing" theme.
Both of the children were very shy at first. It's almost hard to tell if they are enjoying it or not. But, once they get warmed up, you could truly see the joy in their hearts. One thing that I really tried to focus on during the party was to speak one on one with as many children as possible. I tried to connect with them and make them feel special. I feel that it is so important for theses children to hear how wonderful they are.
I am so thankful for the people that helped us with this party. I'm realizing how important it is to have help. I would love to spend hundreds of dollars on each child. Unfortunately, that is not possible. But with the help of others, I think it could be! I am praying that God continues to show me ways to improve these parties for each of these children. I am so thankful that God has so clearly shown me my gifts. And I feel so blessed to be serving God's children.
Until the next party....
Just Ask
January 2012
So... after we had the holidays behind us, I started my monthly obsession with the upcoming birthdays. As we drove back from seeing family in Roswell, I remember talking to Micah about the "funding" for these parties. Before we had the first party, we personally committed to using a certain amount of money for each party. It seemed like a lot at first, but then I quickly realized that the funds weren't sufficient enough for the parties I dreamed up in my head. Not surprising if you know me.
So, I started talking out loud to my ever-patient husband about ways to bring in more funds. After blurting out a few ideas, a voice quickly popped in me head saying "excuse me Mrs. Do-it-yourself... God here...why don't you come to me and express your needs first?" Ah - hah! Too often I jump into my problems head first and try to solve them on my own. Why do I do this when I could spare my self of all of the obsessive thoughts and worry. Ok God...show me the way.
So, as I began the party planning, I began to ask people for help. This is not like me at all. I do not enjoy asking people for donations. However, I felt the urge to "just ask." I thought the worst any one could do was say no and it was worth my pride to ask.
I started by asking a vendor I had found on Etsy (a website for very small businesses to sell mostly handmade items). Back in November, I had ordered a birthday crown for my daugther's first birthday from her and it was adorable. I loved it so much, that I made a point to send a picture of Adalyn in her crown to her. So, I thought, what would it hurt to ask if she could give me some sort of discount if I ordered a crown for each of the girls. I sent her an email explaining what we were doing and how any kind of a discount would be much appreciated. By the next day, she not only responded, she offered to make them monthly for no charge. Not even shipping my friends. Who does this for someone they hardly know? God had to have had his hand on this.
This inspired me to ask for more! Another vendor ( I do not know) gave me a code for 50% off everything I ordered. Followed by the printer giving me a large discount. I then got gutsy and asked Sams Wholesale if they could offer any kind of discount for birthday cakes. When speaking to the manager, she offered to donate both cakes at no charge.
Not only did God provide when I asked others for help, he brought people to me. I've been talking to many of my friends about my "volunteering" simply to share the joy and excitement that I felt. A sweet, sweet friend was persistent in wanting to help. She volunteered to purchase clothes for both of the children. And not just any clothes, fashion couture for little people! Then, another friend surprised me. She said she had been looking for a charity to donate an amount of money to every month and wanted to give it to me! She said she knew it would be used in a great way. I was blown away (still am).
People are amazing and God is so good.
I am more than exited about this party tomorrow. God provided in so many ways. I pray that I will not screw it up. I want Him to use me in as many ways possible. I keep hearing the song "Beautiful" by Mercy Me and it brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. The message is that all of God's children are beautiful in his sight. Treasured, sacred, HIS. I pray that I can some how spread this message to these children. Of all of God's children, they need to hear it most.
Beautiful by Mercy Me
The days will come when you don't have the strengthWhen all you hear is you're not worth anythingWondering if you ever could be lovedAnd if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are made so much more than all of thisYou're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are treasured, You are sacred, You are HisYou're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to findCause you are more than what is hurting you tonightFor all the lies you've held inside so longAnd they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
Before you ever took a breathLong before the world beganOf all the wonders He possessedThere was one more preciousOf all the earth and skies aboveYou're the one he madly lovesEnough to die
You're beautifulYou're beautiful In His eyes
You're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are made so much more than all of thisYou're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are treasured, You are sacred, You are HisYou're beautiful
So... after we had the holidays behind us, I started my monthly obsession with the upcoming birthdays. As we drove back from seeing family in Roswell, I remember talking to Micah about the "funding" for these parties. Before we had the first party, we personally committed to using a certain amount of money for each party. It seemed like a lot at first, but then I quickly realized that the funds weren't sufficient enough for the parties I dreamed up in my head. Not surprising if you know me.
So, I started talking out loud to my ever-patient husband about ways to bring in more funds. After blurting out a few ideas, a voice quickly popped in me head saying "excuse me Mrs. Do-it-yourself... God here...why don't you come to me and express your needs first?" Ah - hah! Too often I jump into my problems head first and try to solve them on my own. Why do I do this when I could spare my self of all of the obsessive thoughts and worry. Ok God...show me the way.
So, as I began the party planning, I began to ask people for help. This is not like me at all. I do not enjoy asking people for donations. However, I felt the urge to "just ask." I thought the worst any one could do was say no and it was worth my pride to ask.
I started by asking a vendor I had found on Etsy (a website for very small businesses to sell mostly handmade items). Back in November, I had ordered a birthday crown for my daugther's first birthday from her and it was adorable. I loved it so much, that I made a point to send a picture of Adalyn in her crown to her. So, I thought, what would it hurt to ask if she could give me some sort of discount if I ordered a crown for each of the girls. I sent her an email explaining what we were doing and how any kind of a discount would be much appreciated. By the next day, she not only responded, she offered to make them monthly for no charge. Not even shipping my friends. Who does this for someone they hardly know? God had to have had his hand on this.
This inspired me to ask for more! Another vendor ( I do not know) gave me a code for 50% off everything I ordered. Followed by the printer giving me a large discount. I then got gutsy and asked Sams Wholesale if they could offer any kind of discount for birthday cakes. When speaking to the manager, she offered to donate both cakes at no charge.
Not only did God provide when I asked others for help, he brought people to me. I've been talking to many of my friends about my "volunteering" simply to share the joy and excitement that I felt. A sweet, sweet friend was persistent in wanting to help. She volunteered to purchase clothes for both of the children. And not just any clothes, fashion couture for little people! Then, another friend surprised me. She said she had been looking for a charity to donate an amount of money to every month and wanted to give it to me! She said she knew it would be used in a great way. I was blown away (still am).
People are amazing and God is so good.
I am more than exited about this party tomorrow. God provided in so many ways. I pray that I will not screw it up. I want Him to use me in as many ways possible. I keep hearing the song "Beautiful" by Mercy Me and it brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it. The message is that all of God's children are beautiful in his sight. Treasured, sacred, HIS. I pray that I can some how spread this message to these children. Of all of God's children, they need to hear it most.
Beautiful by Mercy Me
The days will come when you don't have the strengthWhen all you hear is you're not worth anythingWondering if you ever could be lovedAnd if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are made so much more than all of thisYou're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are treasured, You are sacred, You are HisYou're beautiful
I'm praying that you have the heart to findCause you are more than what is hurting you tonightFor all the lies you've held inside so longAnd they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
Before you ever took a breathLong before the world beganOf all the wonders He possessedThere was one more preciousOf all the earth and skies aboveYou're the one he madly lovesEnough to die
You're beautifulYou're beautiful In His eyes
You're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are made so much more than all of thisYou're beautifulYou're beautifulYou are treasured, You are sacred, You are HisYou're beautiful
Animal Print
December 2011
A few weeks after receiving my "birthday party planner" phone call, I got information about our December birthday child. She was turning ten and loved Justin Bieber and animal print.
In the past, the home provided a cake and $25 gift card for each child. Whoa! As a mom who loves to do amazing parties for her children, I was heart broken. I believe that every child should have one special day to celebrate how special they are. And who needed it more than these children who had been taken away from their "home." I was inspired. I wanted to show these children how special they are, especially as a child of God. I was told as a volunteer of the home, I was not to share any "religious views" to any of the children. But, I am convinced that if I am truly expressing my God-given gifts and God is leading me every step of the way, His love will find a way to express itself.
So, I set out on my mission. I found some cute animal print decor and birthday cake. My mom and I also went and purchased several gifts for her. As I'm typing this, it all sounds simple. But let me tell you, when it comes to any kind of party, I obsess over it for weeks up until the minute it begins. I go over all of the details. Some might say its over board. But, I just can't help it. Is it possible that God instilled this in me? Isn't that what God's dreams are, something that is instilled in you and just wont go away? At the point I was at, I was sure hoping so!
So, the party day arrived. We got there way too early and set up everything. Thankfully, my husband and mother came along to help. I remember being nervous before the children arrived. I didn't know what to expect. I had never worked with foster children before. I prayed that God would calm my nerves and use me to show his love to these precious children.
Finally, the children started to arrive. They were all very well behaved and had amazing manners. They were all ages. Sweet, sweet children. Of all the things we had at the party, they were most excited about Dr. Pepper. They all sipped away while we waited for the birthday girl to arrive. Two of her friends from school arrived which was so sweet. And, as a sibling of 5, all of her brothers and sisters were there as well. Sounds simple, but 2 of them were in different homes because of their special needs. The birthday girl was totally unaware that she was having a birthday party or that her friends and family would be there.
As she walked in the door, her face brought tears to my eyes. She was so sweet and beautiful and nervously happy. It touched my heart how loving all of the siblings were to each other. They couldn't stop hugging each other. Totally broke my heart. I had to bite my lip several times to keep the tears from flowing. The birthday girl loves her gifts and the decor, but it was obvious that the most precious gift was her family being together.
I met so many sweet and beautiful children that day that touched my heart. What a blessing it was to spend time with them. I was inspired for the next party!
A few weeks after receiving my "birthday party planner" phone call, I got information about our December birthday child. She was turning ten and loved Justin Bieber and animal print.
In the past, the home provided a cake and $25 gift card for each child. Whoa! As a mom who loves to do amazing parties for her children, I was heart broken. I believe that every child should have one special day to celebrate how special they are. And who needed it more than these children who had been taken away from their "home." I was inspired. I wanted to show these children how special they are, especially as a child of God. I was told as a volunteer of the home, I was not to share any "religious views" to any of the children. But, I am convinced that if I am truly expressing my God-given gifts and God is leading me every step of the way, His love will find a way to express itself.
So, I set out on my mission. I found some cute animal print decor and birthday cake. My mom and I also went and purchased several gifts for her. As I'm typing this, it all sounds simple. But let me tell you, when it comes to any kind of party, I obsess over it for weeks up until the minute it begins. I go over all of the details. Some might say its over board. But, I just can't help it. Is it possible that God instilled this in me? Isn't that what God's dreams are, something that is instilled in you and just wont go away? At the point I was at, I was sure hoping so!
So, the party day arrived. We got there way too early and set up everything. Thankfully, my husband and mother came along to help. I remember being nervous before the children arrived. I didn't know what to expect. I had never worked with foster children before. I prayed that God would calm my nerves and use me to show his love to these precious children.
Finally, the children started to arrive. They were all very well behaved and had amazing manners. They were all ages. Sweet, sweet children. Of all the things we had at the party, they were most excited about Dr. Pepper. They all sipped away while we waited for the birthday girl to arrive. Two of her friends from school arrived which was so sweet. And, as a sibling of 5, all of her brothers and sisters were there as well. Sounds simple, but 2 of them were in different homes because of their special needs. The birthday girl was totally unaware that she was having a birthday party or that her friends and family would be there.
As she walked in the door, her face brought tears to my eyes. She was so sweet and beautiful and nervously happy. It touched my heart how loving all of the siblings were to each other. They couldn't stop hugging each other. Totally broke my heart. I had to bite my lip several times to keep the tears from flowing. The birthday girl loves her gifts and the decor, but it was obvious that the most precious gift was her family being together.
I met so many sweet and beautiful children that day that touched my heart. What a blessing it was to spend time with them. I was inspired for the next party!
God's purpose
October 2011
About a month ago, I began the "1 Month to Live" study book. With the fall season approaching, lots of opportunities arose for me to participate in small groups and bible studies. After recently becoming a stay at home mom and the changes that accomponied it, I decided to take a "semester" to decompress and really pray about where and what God wanted me to be doing. I thought this study would be a good one to do on my own and had heard a few people rave about it on facebook.
As I got deep into the study, I realized that I had not focused in on my God-given dreams and gifts in a long time. Probably since college. I know that my greatest gift by far is my family. God continues to fulfill my dreams as a wife and mother to two amazing children on daily basis. And what an amazing dream this is. But, I wasn't sure of any others. Once I became an employee, wife, and mother I lost sight of what my soul stirring dreams were outside of my family. Shouldn't I be broadening my horizons and serving outside the home as well? So, I asked God to "thaw" my soul and reveal his other dreams and desires for me.
Over the course of the next couple weeks, I felt as though God was teaching me to rely on him before he revealed any "dreams" to me. I think that I still believed that in order to serve God here on earth that it had to be a sacrifice until I really focused on this:
"It's an insult to God when we focus on the gifts and passions we don't have and try to develop our weak areas. Our greatest potential in lies in the areas of our greatest strengths... we're to focus on what we're good at and let go of what were not good at."
Really?? I can let go of these things I have been trying so hard to be and miserably failing at over and over again? I didn't think of God's will for my life as something that could fulfill my dreams and his dreams! As long as I am certain these "dreams" could fulfill God's purpose, they are one in the same. He created me for a purpose and instilled these soul stirring passions in me to serve him! They are his dreams for me afterall! What a gift.
So, what are these gifts?? I began doing a lot of soul searching. On Day 16, I listed the strengths I believe I had:
expressing my love to my children, providing stability through schedules and home life, organizing, decorating for parties, staying healthy & fit, strong will power, good friend, accomplishing goals, cooking, praying out loud, creative
And what am I passionate about? Other than loving and taking care of my family, I knew party planning was something I was definaltly passionate about. For goodness sake, I had thrown 3 parties at my house in the month of October alone! I remember thinking "are you trying to tell me something God?" I love planning and shopping for these parties and I really love watching my children and friends enjoy them. It feels so good. But, can God really use these "passions" as ways to serve him? Is it possible that God could use a good party planner and shopper??? It seemed to me like these gifts were somewhat superficial.
The book even had me step way out of my comfort zone by asking Micah to list five of the most prominent gifts I possesed. Now this was getting scary. But, as always, my sweet husband graced me with these sweet words despite my many faults.
Selflessness, loving/compassionate, servant's heart, intuition about people, optimistic presence.
Whoa! This list took my breath away and brought streams of tears down my eyes. This is how he sees me? Man, I told myself, have I got him fooled. :)
Ok... now that I have thought through all of my God-given gifts and focused on relying on Him, where was God going to take me? I prayed that he would take me there. I want to go to the place where "your deep gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet." This is how I want to live the rest of my life. I want to love fully, give fully and live fully. But, I can only do it thru Him and the gifts he has given me. I'm ready Lord, show me.
So, today, as I was walking on my treadmill I realized my life had finally slowed down a little since I became a "stay at home mom." I began to ask myself "what area of the house can I focus on this week?" As organizing my home has become my latest obsession.I thought, surely God wants me to do more? That instant, the phone rang.
I had called a children's home that my husband is on the board of a few weeks ago. I wanted to see about donating Jaxon's birthday party decorations to the children at the home that were undergoing "therapeutic foster care." I had heard that they would have monthly birthday parties for the children and knew that the racing theme decorations could make some little boys very happy. I also mentioned that if they needed any help, to let me know. I hadn't heard back from any one for a couple of weeks and had honestly thought that maybe this isn't where God wanted me to be. But, it was them! They wanted to see if I was interested in being their "montly birthday party organizer".
Really? Ok God, I'm listening.
About a month ago, I began the "1 Month to Live" study book. With the fall season approaching, lots of opportunities arose for me to participate in small groups and bible studies. After recently becoming a stay at home mom and the changes that accomponied it, I decided to take a "semester" to decompress and really pray about where and what God wanted me to be doing. I thought this study would be a good one to do on my own and had heard a few people rave about it on facebook.
As I got deep into the study, I realized that I had not focused in on my God-given dreams and gifts in a long time. Probably since college. I know that my greatest gift by far is my family. God continues to fulfill my dreams as a wife and mother to two amazing children on daily basis. And what an amazing dream this is. But, I wasn't sure of any others. Once I became an employee, wife, and mother I lost sight of what my soul stirring dreams were outside of my family. Shouldn't I be broadening my horizons and serving outside the home as well? So, I asked God to "thaw" my soul and reveal his other dreams and desires for me.
Over the course of the next couple weeks, I felt as though God was teaching me to rely on him before he revealed any "dreams" to me. I think that I still believed that in order to serve God here on earth that it had to be a sacrifice until I really focused on this:
"It's an insult to God when we focus on the gifts and passions we don't have and try to develop our weak areas. Our greatest potential in lies in the areas of our greatest strengths... we're to focus on what we're good at and let go of what were not good at."
Really?? I can let go of these things I have been trying so hard to be and miserably failing at over and over again? I didn't think of God's will for my life as something that could fulfill my dreams and his dreams! As long as I am certain these "dreams" could fulfill God's purpose, they are one in the same. He created me for a purpose and instilled these soul stirring passions in me to serve him! They are his dreams for me afterall! What a gift.
So, what are these gifts?? I began doing a lot of soul searching. On Day 16, I listed the strengths I believe I had:
expressing my love to my children, providing stability through schedules and home life, organizing, decorating for parties, staying healthy & fit, strong will power, good friend, accomplishing goals, cooking, praying out loud, creative
And what am I passionate about? Other than loving and taking care of my family, I knew party planning was something I was definaltly passionate about. For goodness sake, I had thrown 3 parties at my house in the month of October alone! I remember thinking "are you trying to tell me something God?" I love planning and shopping for these parties and I really love watching my children and friends enjoy them. It feels so good. But, can God really use these "passions" as ways to serve him? Is it possible that God could use a good party planner and shopper??? It seemed to me like these gifts were somewhat superficial.
The book even had me step way out of my comfort zone by asking Micah to list five of the most prominent gifts I possesed. Now this was getting scary. But, as always, my sweet husband graced me with these sweet words despite my many faults.
Selflessness, loving/compassionate, servant's heart, intuition about people, optimistic presence.
Whoa! This list took my breath away and brought streams of tears down my eyes. This is how he sees me? Man, I told myself, have I got him fooled. :)
Ok... now that I have thought through all of my God-given gifts and focused on relying on Him, where was God going to take me? I prayed that he would take me there. I want to go to the place where "your deep gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet." This is how I want to live the rest of my life. I want to love fully, give fully and live fully. But, I can only do it thru Him and the gifts he has given me. I'm ready Lord, show me.
So, today, as I was walking on my treadmill I realized my life had finally slowed down a little since I became a "stay at home mom." I began to ask myself "what area of the house can I focus on this week?" As organizing my home has become my latest obsession.I thought, surely God wants me to do more? That instant, the phone rang.
I had called a children's home that my husband is on the board of a few weeks ago. I wanted to see about donating Jaxon's birthday party decorations to the children at the home that were undergoing "therapeutic foster care." I had heard that they would have monthly birthday parties for the children and knew that the racing theme decorations could make some little boys very happy. I also mentioned that if they needed any help, to let me know. I hadn't heard back from any one for a couple of weeks and had honestly thought that maybe this isn't where God wanted me to be. But, it was them! They wanted to see if I was interested in being their "montly birthday party organizer".
Really? Ok God, I'm listening.
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